Thus with a Kiss

Chapter six

Lawrence

I told her she could call me Law as a way of getting her used to the idea of me- in the cosmological sense. Although Lawrence is my actual name, Law is more fitting: I carry out the law of the universe, and thus it is that I am named so. If only Paige could grasp the significance of my name, it would make my job that little bit more easier.

I check my watch, noticing that Paige has been gone for almost 10 minutes. Is she okay? Do I go check on her, or is that weird? I guess even though I will be the one to take her life, it is also my responsibility to make sure she’s okay for the little time she has left, right?

Standing up, I head in the general direction of the toilets, somewhat unsure of how to proceed. As I’m about to knock on the toilet door, Paige stumbles out, all but barrelling into me. If I’m being honest, she looks dreadful, but she hides it well. Her eyes have that shiny appearance of unshed tears, her checks flushed in a way suggests that she couldn’t quite catch her breath. It’s weird to see her like this- weird to see her go from completely fine, rambling about biology and her interests, to a shell of herself, nervous and flighty. And that intrinsic bond between us tells me something is wrong, but a kind of wrongness that is almost normal for Paige.

‘You okay?’, I ask, needing to do anything to make her smile, to make her feel better, to bring her out of whatever it is that has made her eyes looks so sad.

‘Yeah, I’m fine, of course’, she smiles. And she looks up at me, really looks, and I just know that she’s lying- not because we’re connected by her death bond, but because the way she holds herself, as though she’s trying to tuck herself away from the world, tells me that she isn’t.

‘I should probably head off anyway, I’ve got loads of work to do, but I had a nice time’, she nods at me, making her way towards the door.

‘Can I see you again? Please?’, and at that she smiles, and it seems to move some of the sadness out of her gaze, if only for a moment.

‘Umm, sure- here’s my number’. She scribbles it down on some spare paper she has lying around in her bag, her writing small and neat.

‘See you around’. And with that she walks out of the door, no doubt towards her car.

***

‘Lawrence, are you even listening to me’, Anchor all but shouts at me, slamming his hand down on the desk in front of me, as though his voice alone isn’t enough to attract my undivided attention.

‘No sir, sorry’ I admit, because lying would only cause more of a headache. The thing is, I know I should be listening to whatever it is he is saying, but I just can’t get that weird interaction with Paige out of my mind; I just keep seeing her eyes and how sad she was. And even though she did a damn good job of hiding it, I could still see it, it was still there, pushed right down to the bottom so no one will know. But I saw it, and now it’s all I can think about.

‘I was saying’, Anchor pulls me back to the present, ‘that your lack of progress thus far with the Paige Waters case is honestly a massive disappointment Lawrence, it goes against your track record completely. If this case is too difficult for you, tell me now and we can get it reassigned, huh, would that be better for you?’.

‘No, no, I need this case’.

‘Need? We do not need, Lawrence, that is a human emotion. We simply are. And to hear you say such a thing is a worry’.

‘Sorry Sir, I-I’, stumbling, I try and rectify my error, willing to say anything as long as I’m not taken off Paige’s assignment. ‘I misspoke- what I meant was that she needs me; I have already made contact and to involve anyone else at this stage now would just complicate matters. I can handle this sir, just leave it with me’. Standing, I don’t give him time to reconsider.

‘Very well then, get to it Lawrence- or I will’. And with that he disappears, no doubt going to busybody with some of the other reapers’ not so successful cases.

I head out of the office, deciding to check on Paige. Focusing on the death bond between us, I feel myself being pulled me wherever she is.

***

I know something is wrong before I’m even there- I can feel it in the air around me, the way it sticks to my body in a morose cloud is almost suffocating, at least it would be if reapers could feel such a thing as emotional suffocation. I decide to observe, rather than interact, watching Paige from the outside to get a better, perhaps somewhat voyeuristic sense of who she is.

She’s sitting on her bedroom floor, sat between her bed and a wooden chest of draws. Her knees are pulled up to her chest, her head tucked on top of them. And even though I can’t see her face, I can tell she’s been crying just from the way her breathing is unsteady, heaving, and staccato where it should be unstrained and easy.

I don’t know what to do.

Its hard to watch, seeing her like this, and I don’t know what is causing it- I don’t know how to help.

Part of my chest caves in seeing her like this because I want her to be able to live before I’m forced to take her life away. But in this moment, she makes the idea of life seem almost futile. And even though the thought of human contact makes me rigid with discomfort, all I want to do right now is wrap her up in my arms and keep her safe.

But I can’t, both because I’m not here with her in a physical sense, but also because to do so, to get intimate with any charge goes against the very foundations of the reapers’ code.

Still needing to do something, anything, I let my aura wrap around her, trying to calm her uneven breaths, and give her a small semblance of peace. It works almost instantly- her whole body seems to relax, some of the tension finally leaving her body. She lifts her head up, looking around- perhaps for her source of sudden comfort.

But no one’s there.

Because I’m not allowed to be.

So having done something to help her, I let myself slip away, back to the office, before I’m tempted to do something I’m not allowed to do.